“So that was an inappropriate TOUCH!!”
Eric never called me back, though he was all over the social media with his new guy (“I waited there for two hours, but he never showed up” (unsharedemotions.com)).
You might ask me; “how did I know all about these? Did I stalk him?”
- Yes, I did. Because I was trying to figure out what exactly happened that changed him overnight. Did I do any mistakes? But I never found my answer. Seeing his happy posts on social media was making me so depressed. I was grieving for more than a week.
One night, when I was going through Eric’s Instagram posts, something happened to me. I just asked myself, “Why I am doing this? Why am I acting so weird just for a person that I never even met? There is plenty of fish in the sea. I know I am more than good enough to find someone better than him”.
It was almost 1.42 am in morning. After a two-week break from Tinder, I again logged into my account and saw some people already liked my profile. I don’t know why but I right-swiped Scott, a 30-year-old New Yorker, a musician, and a teacher for an elementary school. I went to bed without saying Hi because I was too depressed to approach someone new.
The next morning when I woke up, I received a bunch of texts from Scott.
“Hey cutie, what’s up?”
“How are you? Are you there?”
“Did I offend you somehow?”
“If I did then I am sorry. You are too cute to resist.”
I don’t know what or how to reply. I found him quite intense. I waited till afternoon to set my mind. When I was sure that I need to start over, I replied to Scott. “Hey, I am good. What’s up buddy? Sorry I wasn’t available online. No, you didn’t offend me but addressing Cutie to some stranger sounds creepy. LOL.”
Scott replied immediately. “Hey, you, sorry that I offended you. But you are really cute. I am Scott by the way. From Upper West Side.”
- Hey Scott. I am also from Upper West. Riverside mainly.
“Really! That means we are really close. We definitely should catch up sometimes”. And the conversation went on.
Scott was nice, but something about him used to make me off. Most of the time his tone was flirtish but sometimes it was more sexual. You know what I mean. The very first night he started some sexual conversation, I technically skipped that part, because that was weird for me talking such shit with a person that I barely know or ever met. The second time he started the same conversation, I stopped him. “Hey man. Please don’t misunderstand me. But I don’t like sharing my preference in bed with random people. We just met. I mean not in person, but we just started getting to know each other. So please keep this conversation as much friendly as you can. Don’t lead it to bed”. I wouldn’t say, it worked completely. He never asked me such questions a second time but never even stopped to let me know his preferences. Since I am from a different country and cultural background, I thought, maybe that’s what people do here when they try to know each other or date. After two weeks of our conversation, we decided to meet on a Sunday at New York’s Central Park. I had the worst experience with the central park but that was the convenient place for both of us to meet.
We met right before the day my first grad school life in the USA started. The date with Scott was going well until he demanded something. I noticed that from the very first moment he tried to kiss me, but I completely ignored that I didn’t even notice what he was expecting. We were walking by the lake. Suddenly he grabbed my hand and tried to make out. I was so shocked.
“What are you doing? Leave me”. I demanded.
- What!! Can’t I kiss you? Scott replied.
“Yes, you can, but when we are ready to start a new journey”. I replied.
Scott seemed confused. “What do you mean? What are we doing here then! We are already on a date.”
“So, making out is a must thing on a date?” I asked him.
“Yes, if only the two people feel the same vibe. And I think we are on the same page.” Scott replied.
“Ok, but I don’t think I am ready yet. Moreover, this place is so crowded. People will keep staring at us. That’s uncomfortable for me.”
“So, you are not ready yet? You are not comfortable with me? And please, don’t think about people. They don’t even give a damn shit here. This is America. This not a third-world country like yours.” Scott sounded intense.
“Please, give me some moment,” I replied to him. Scott sounded pissed off. He didn’t seem happy the rest of the evening. When we were ending up our first date, Scott asked me, “can I kiss you now?” I replied with a confused Yes. But I didn’t realize he wanted to make out. I can’t explain the feeling. It was my first time making out in public. I never even dreamt of making out in public back in my country. I would have not only been arrested but also been killed for two reasons, first, making out in public is illegal, and second, being gay is legally and religiously prohibited. I was having two thoughts when we were making out. First, it was such a new experience for me. Second, it was uncomfortable the way Scott was touching my body. I wanted to stop him, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to make him upset.
That night when I came back home, I was fighting with myself. I was feeling bad about the way Scott was pushing me. To be honest, I don’t like to be touched by random people. That’s why I always try to avoid public transport.
The next day, I left for school in the early morning. I had to attend the orientation program which was designed in two different sessions. The first one was to learn about school policy, and the second one was sex education. It was almost afternoon when I was attending my second session on sex education. After having a heavy lunch, I was a bit sleepy. But there was something that grabbed my attention. “Inappropriate Touch”. Yes, that was the word the professor who was supervising the session mentioned. “Even though you are in a relationship with your partner if any of his touches make you feel uncomfortable, is inappropriate touch.” The very first thing that came into my mind was Scott. When he was touching me or when we were making out, it made me really uncomfortable. So that was an inappropriate TOUCH!!
That night, when I was talking to Scott over the phone, he asked me to come over to his place to spend some quality time. I asked him the meaning of spending quality time. He replied, “we can make out, and even if you are comfortable then we can have some fun. Like sex!!”
“Sorry, I don’t want to have sex. Moreover, I am not comfortable making out since we just met, and we are still in the process of knowing each other. You know where I am from and what I went through.” I replied.
“Then, I think I am wasting my time. If you are not ready for sex, then what I am doing with you?” Scott sounded really furious. He hung up the phone. I didn’t call him back. I thought he would call me up the next morning. But he didn’t. He didn’t even call me for the entire week. I called him and texted him a couple of times, but he didn’t reply. I waited a week and a half to hear something from him. But I didn’t. Meanwhile, I couldn’t stop thinking about the term “Inappropriate Touch”. After analyzing our meeting, every event, and every conversation, it left me thinking about one question. Does making out and having sex is a MUST part of American dating culture?